There 've been many spotty people in the history of mankind
Some are born spotty
Some achieve spotiness
And some have spotiness thrust upon them

But there is one whom heaven has blest
With far more spots than all the rest
His name by now you will have guesed
It is, of course, Muldoon

Spotty Muldoon, Spotty Muldoon
He's got spots all over his face
Spotty Muldoon, Spotty Muldoon
He's got spots all over the place

He's so spotty, is Spotty Muldoon
He's got spots where others have not
He's so spotty, is Spotty Muldoon
Oh what a lot of spots he's got
He's unbelievably spotty

A leopard cannot change his spots
A nor can a Muldoon
Of ointments he has tried the lot
Drunk medicine by the spoon

But his face remains as ravaged
As the craters of the moon
Poor old Spotty Muldoon

Spotty Muldoon, Spotty Muldoon
He's got spots all over his face
Spotty Muldoon, Spotty Muldoon
He's got spots all over the place

Of course the worse thing about it is he can't get hold of women
Whenever Spotty's out under the moon with a lovely lady
As soon as he tries to get romantic thay always say things like
Do you know Mr Muldoon, you're unbelievably spotty

So Spotty wears a paper bag
To cover up his head
He very seldom takes it off
Not even in his bed

And sometimes in the evening
Around about half past eleven usually
He wishes he was dead
Poor old Spotty Muldoon

Spotty Muldoon, Spotty Muldoon
He's got spots all over his face
Spotty Muldoon, Spotty Muldoon
He's got spots all over the place

They say that those suffer in this world
Will be rewarded in the life to come
So when Spotty leaves this mortal coil
And goes up into that great spot beyond the skies
He'll probably find that fashions are different up there
And suddenly he'll be in demand

So when Spotty gets to heaven
As Spotty will one day
He'll find that spots are all the rage
Along the milky way

And a million acne'd angels
Will gather round and say

Spotty Muldoon, Spotty Muldoon
You've got spots all over his face
Spotty Muldoon, Spotty Muldoon
You've got spots all over the place

Good old Spotty, Spotty Muldoon
How we love your heavenly throng
We're all potty for Spotty Muldoon
The saviest, trendiest, loveliest, geariest
Swingiest, sexiest, spottiest
Angel of the lot.

And that's Spotty!
